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How To Bathe A Cat

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Am I asking a question?

DragonLady wrote:
But...I think everyone is benefitted if they wait a few years and spend some time just being grown up and free first.

Agree 100% [/quote]

(nods) I do believe it's important to be 100% free, not "wait and see" free. So that's why I'm an advocate of putting the hard truth on the table right away, letting the cards fall where they will with time and circumstance. When one builds the life they want, the right person to share it becomes easier to recognize.

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Am I asking a question?

PepperJ, of course I know you're human.

I have four kids, all grown now, and I went through similar dramas with all of them.

I don't blame you for setting rules in your house, and I don't blame you for being uncomfortable with the world seeing 18 as "adults". But...they're old enough to drive, go to college, join the military, vote...so it's kinda hard to justify saying they're not old enough for making their own choices.

I'm sure that both of these young people are going to be just fine. You've raised your son to have good values, and I think you'll be able to impart the same to this girl. No one knows what the future holds, and who knows? They may end up happily married forever. But...I think everyone is benefitted if they wait a few years and spend some time just being grown up and free first.

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Am I asking a question?

PepperJ wrote:
And she comes from a different place than most of my son's friends who are girls. She's used ***sex to procure what she needs. Not everyone has been in the same situation, but that's hard for her to understand....

(nods) I get that.

But that's not something for your DS to try to teach her.

He needs to put her in the "friend zone" and then refuse to even discuss any of his activities, other friends, girlfriends, etc. with her.

"Yes. I'm going out tonight. As I've told you, I'm not planning to maintain any kind of romantic relationship with you, so it's out of bounds to expect me to discuss my activities, movements or plans with you."


Short and sweet. If you wish, you may discuss it more with her if she wishes, but always making it clear that he has no obligation to her, and has made it clear he isn't interested in her.*


*Don't say "in anyone" or "at this time" because that just leaves her hoping. You have to make it a clean, decisive break.

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Am I asking a question?

And, yes, son needs to tell her he's not so into her. The issue with that is that she's a beautiful girl, staying in our house. And....hormones....
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Yes; and they're both adults. There's nothing stopping them from finding a hotel room or the back of a car or any one of the thousands of other places young people have been finding for romantic interludes since the dawn of humanity. You can't stop that, and tbh, I don't think you should even try.

But, he does need to be honest with her. It needs to come from him, firsthand, and straight. Waiting 'til the right time in an attempt to be compassionate & soften the blow, will only have the opposite effect.

"you are a gorgeous girl, and you won't have any trouble finding the right guy, but he ain't me"

It's not nice, but it's far less cruel than the alternative. After all, she has already rearranged her whole life for him (maybe she's better off, but that wasn't her motivation), and he needs to draw the bright lines so she can move on emotionally.

It's great your giving her room in your home and your heart, but ultimately, she still needs to be her own person, and she can't do that if she's busy trying to build -or rebuild- a relationship with someone who doesn't want her.

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Am I asking a question?

Okay; I understand now.

I think if your DS isn't into her, he needs to tell her so. Otherwise, he's just perpetuating her feelings toward him, and when she realizes the truth she will feel really hurt.

He can do it in a way that doesn't affect your relationship, I think, so she can continue to stay with you and has a chance to get her life together. Maybe something like:

"You're a really nice person, but I'm beginning to see you more like a sister. I'm very happy to accept you into the family, but not as a romantic interest."

IDK.... I'm sure if the two of you give it some thought, you can find the right words so everyone can share the space without leading each other on and without limiting anyone by trying to carry one a charade to spare her feelings.

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Am I asking a question?

I don't understand, exactly.

Your son is 18, so old enough to have a girlfriend, and be in the same room with her any- and all- the time.

Why are you worried he can't go out without her? Isn't that why she moved in?

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How do you help a depressed spouse?

Ouch. It's no wonder he really doesn't want to let his guard down again for a while. Maybe try to coax him into things that don't require much socializing, like fishing or nature walks?


I'd guess that if you go with him, and take it slowly, once he's out and about more he will start putting the past behind him and find new things to look forward to.

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Last night at midnight

Clearly, your safety plan for him didn't work. You were in the hospital for a short time, and he was injured.

If were dead, you wouldn't even know he was injured, so you would have no way of making sure he received any kind of care or attention.

I'm not trying to be harsh here. I hope it's obvious, but I certainly don't want you to kill yourself, and if having these pets helps give you a reason to keep living, that's great.

But if you're just hell bent on dying, please find forever homes for your pets first. Otherwise, you have no idea what terrible fate may befall them.

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Last night at midnight

Why do you care your cat is injured? You tried to abandon it.


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